Drama, Drama, Drama,

So I sit here with so many thoughts going through my mind. So many feeling going through my heart! So many emotions that I dont know how I am containing them. The spirit testifying to me the things I am writing need to be written. And only through the spirit are these things being written.

Let me get something straight right now, if you dont like what you read then move on. Yes you may say I have attitude, but I dont need more fake people in my life. I have come to see many of those people in my life and it saddens me. 

I know many of you came to the blog because of the title I placed on it. I learned that last time I blogged, which I have since hidden. I will come back to that later. 

I sit here on the couch because it was too windy outside to enjoy the evening. My day today started good. Got my usual text from the man in my life. A man I love more than anything in the world. A man I would give anything for and try my best to every day. As the day progressed with 12 hours things changed. I went to my pre-op for my surgery, got a call and have to push my surgery back again. That is twice now. So that frustrated me. Got several calls from this man I love. But for whatever reason things happen and I became speechless.  Very speechless.

We all go through things and I am trying my best to be there for this man. I am trying my best to help him feel his Heavenly Fathers love for him in his lowest times. We even started a 100 day Book of Mormon challenge together. I hoped this would give him the strength he needs to over come all his stresses right now. I realized after my conversation tonight with him, I have not prayed for him enough and helped him with his struggles. Its hard you see, he lives in Texas. I so wish I could be with the man and let him know how I feel about him and help him overcome his struggles.  I have really never made these feelings public how I feel about this man. So this is for you if you are reading this honey! I love you!!! I wish I could take those things from him, but I cant. All I can do is be here for him as he fights them, as he overcome them. All I know is he will be so much stronger if he fights them! I will keep praying for him and hope he still lets me be a strength for him as he fights them!I want him to fight these things because I see the great man he really is and the amazing potential he has that no one else does! I love him!!!!!

People may judge. People will judge! I have come to really realize this in the last 6 months almost 7 months of knowing this man. We all have things in our lives we may call baggage. Well some see it like that and some dont. I have found in my life that judging others for what they go through, what they have done, what they are doing, what they want to do, all those things dont do anything but take me away from my Heavenly Father and my Savior who loves everyone no matter what! I still have people that judge me for what I do these days. To you I say I am so sorry! Where does judging someone get you? No where. I will not judge you! I will sit, listen, watch with Christlike feelings towards you. I am only human and do make mistakes. I realize this. That is when I ask for forgiveness for my faults. I have many and ask God every day for the strength to overcome them all. 

This scripture means so much to me!

1 Nephi 7:17 But it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me ^astrength that I may ^bburst these bands with which I am bound.

We all can burst those band which hold us down. We just need to have the faith. And if we dont have the faith, we need to be like the father in the scriptures that asked for the faith he needed to have the Savior heal his son. 

1 Nephi 7:12 Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all ^athings according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise ^bfaith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him. 

This is my all time favorite scripture! I have had to ask for faith and my faith has been increase more than I could ever have imagined! That is what has gotten my through these last few months. I have this quote that sits as my background on my computer:

I have truly come to realize this the last few months. I wish the man I love realized this too! 

I have also come to realize the strength I do have and what things are for me as some call deal breakers. I have found because of my attitude on judging I dont have many deal breakers. I believe in the atonement. If things have been washed away at baptism or things have truly been repented of and that person is found clean before God, then why should we still find fault in those things. I dont! And never will! Repentance is real to me! Very really. I understand the Atonement and partake in it everyday! Not just for sins but for my Savior knowing exactly what I am going through! It is amazing to know that I have someone who knows how I feel! And I am so grateful for my Elder Brother who sacrificed all for me and and the ones I love, and everyone who walked, walks, and will walk this earth!

About 2 weeks before school was out, I had an incident in my classroom. I had a long discussion about perception and gossiping with my 5 and 6 year olds. Guess what they understood what that is. So I hope you grown adults understand as they do as well. 

Everyone has their own perception about how they see things. No two peoples perceptions will be the same. We are human and we see things the way we see them. I have been hurt in the past by peoples perceptions of me. I know I have hurt others by my perceptions of them. To you I truly apologize! All a perception is how we see things. This idea of perception has been on my mind for quite sometime. Just because I see a situation one way doesnt mean you will see it the same way. And it is what I do with my perception, do I share it or keep it inside. All gossiping and spreading rumors is one persons interpretation of a situation, people, etc. Unless you were there and you know what happened or what is actually going on that is gossiping. I have learned in my life I dont tell people all the facts because they get twisted and make them what they want them to be. The perceive it different then what it was. 

As I was reading my scriptures tonight trying to calm myself down I came across this scripture. It fits perfect. Only one Person should get to judge us for what we are doing. He is the only one that knows the truth, the intentions, the outcome, the everything. 

1 Nephi 10:20 Therefore remember, O man, for all thy doings thou shalt be brought into ^ajudgment. 

Let Him be the judge. Only He know what I have gone through these last 6 months. Only He knows what my man is going through. Only will He judge us and you the best way. 

I have been through so much these last few months and have learned that only leaning unto my Heavenly Father will things work out. He knows all. 

1 Nephi 10:19: For he that diligently ^aseeketh shall find; and the ^bmysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by the power of the ^cHoly Ghost, as well in these times as in times of old, and as well in times of old as in times to come; wherefore, the ^dcourse of the Lord is one eternal round.

I look forward everyday to do seek and find, to have the mysteries of God unfolded unto me. I live my life day by day! One day at a time! That is all I have. That is something my man has taught me. Take it one day at a time. 

We say we look for the good in people and I truly hope that is true. This brings me back to my title of this post. Based of my last blog post I can say people thrive off the negative. Of my combined post before that one I had maybe combined 30 reads on them. Of the last post I had 98 reads just on that post. What that told me was that people want stuff that is negative and hurtful to read. Ya my last post was entitled Heartbreak and Trials. Had it been entitled Fluffy Clouds and Springtime I know I wouldnt get that many reads. That says a lot of society. I hope that I am the type of person who seeks the good and the pleasant and not the negative! When I saw this all this I have written about came full circle for me. 

Gods love is what is important. And that is where my faith and love need to be focused because if I do then He truly will guide me to where and what I should be doing. To whom I can be in instrument for Him. To those that need a smile or a hug or an ear. 

For me it is what I am doing with my life to show my Heavenly Father my devotion to Him and may fellow brothers and sisters on this earth. I am my brothers keeper and will be till I am told not to be by the One it matters to! These are the questions I ask myself everyday! 

 Am I doing my best? 

Am I seeking the good in people? 

Am I hurting others with words or actions? 

Am I loving as God loves me?   

Did I ask forgiveness of those I wrong?

Am I following Gods plan for me?

This life is a test and I know I am doing my best and hope I can show others what love God has for them because I feel His love everyday! This is my life! This is what I strive for! And I know my Heavenly Father will continue to love me and show me what my life is meant to be!

 

Life.... sometimes its..... well life!

This may be too soon to post this but the way I get over situations and issues is to write about it. I write poems mostly to do this but I also just like to write. Some may read this and think it is too personal to write, to you I apologize. Some may read this and freak out, so you I say please dont judge. Some may read this and say I feel so bad, to you I say everything happens for a reason.

Life has always thrown at me what I like to say curves in the road. The road being my life and the curves the issues that come along that were unseen and hard to see past because sometimes they are huge curves in the road and the straight part in the road can not be seen. Well I had a huge curve put in my road recently and I am actually truly thankful for it. I still really dont see the straightway, but I know that it is there and I will be okay.

About two weeks ago I met a guy.  For those of you that dont know I have done the online dating scene for quite sometime. This is something that I have truly grown to hate as much as dating in the real world. So back to this guy. I started talking to him a little over two weeks ago. At first I wasnt sure I wanted to talk to him because I was done with the scene. But I did and I thought we were truly starting to hit it off really well. I felt an instant connection with him. We talked on the phone and text a lot. We made plans to meet. Well that never happened. There was just something that felt so right about this guy and he seemed to be truly different compared to other guys. I knew he had as he called it a past to him, but that was something that never scared me away from him.  I truly was beginning to like this guy and was so wanting to meet him.

Well remember that curve I was talking about, ya well a huge curve was thrown into my path. I found somethings out that for most would have been a sign to run the other way. They were as some would say red flags. Well all I can say since I started talking to him I had been praying nonstop. I have been hurt in the past and didnt want to go through it again. I can honestly say I felt very good about proceeding and developing a relationship with this wonderful guy I was getting to know. Well when that curve hit me, I was ready to run, I was ready to forget. But for once in my life my head, heart, and gut aligned. That never happens for me!

At that moment we decided he need to work through some things and we would remain friends with the potential of dating when things were said and done. I knew and still know that this is the right choice for me. I knew I would have to have lots of patience. Patience is something that I have been blessed with in my life. Another thing is being able to discern what people are telling me. I can usually tell what the truth is and what isnt. Well everything was good for a couple days. We were truly getting to know each other and I realized I wanted to date this guy more than ever.

Well just like every curve in the road sometimes they get bigger. And this curve did, a lot bigger. This man I was truly starting to care about found out some horrible news. Well instantly this news made my heart ache for him. I spent the rest of that night with a prayer in my heart praying everything would work out for him. I also knew because of this news the things he needed to work through would take a longer. I was okay with this. I had an every so determination to continue to be his friend and support him in everything.

Well again as curves happen sometimes they can get slick and we slip on those curves. Well a slip happened. and this is why my heart is very saddened. This man I cared for and so was ready to date and had things to work through decided to make some other choices. Ones that truly affected me and my heart. I understand to a point why he made the choices be made. I hope and pray the choices he does make, he has done with guidance from above and is truly happy! All I want for this man is true happiness. He so deserves to be happy in life! He is truly an amazing man of God and has a lot going for him. I dont know if he see that in himself but I have from the very beginning. Thats what made him so different from the others, I really dont think he knows how great he is and so he is a very humble man because of that!  I truly care for this man and will for awhile. He has had a huge impact on my life. More than he will ever know. My head, heart, and gut is still telling me to be his friend and I will be! I may have gotten hurt a bit, but what is life with out hurting. It makes us stronger and a better person. I know I am a stronger person already!  Wounds heal but the thought of losing this man as a friend is something I couldn't live with.

My heart will be sad for awhile but I will move on! I am strong daughter of a most loving Heavenly Father. I know the answers I got are from Him. Others may question that but I know and will never doubt that. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and what truly matters is how we handle them. Our Heavenly Father is proving to us who we really are. Some may say I am crazy for still being his friend, well to you I say please don't judge for you truly don't know. I know I have a loving Heavenly Father that has continues to bless me with discernment of the situation and will continue to guide my life as long as I remain a most humble disciple and continue to do the things in my life that I know I should! I know my Heavenly Fathers loves me and this guy and everyone! He is the person who knows all. All we have is time on this earth to show and prove to our Heavenly Father that we love and honor him. I truly believe in the atonement and the using the atonement to heal our lives in all aspects, whether it be sin or just a hurt heart! Everyone has the chance to change if they truly want to! My life will continue to move forward and I will get to the straight part in my life again. My Heavenly Father so need for me to grow and I wouldn't change anything that has happened the last couple weeks. I am truly grateful for the experience and hope that I can truly prove to my Heavenly Father who I really am!


Life happens for a reason. Reasons that remain unseen.
Are we stronger because of them or do we just scream?
Screaming gets us no where, but having faith and hope is what is best to share. 
Cleave unto the things that are right, never be afraid of our lives fight!
Be grateful for every situation for there is something to be learned.
We may no not understand now but time will soon teach us what we need to know to grow.
Everything for a reason, somethings just happen for a season.
Life is about growing and showing!
Continue smiling, because guess what life happens for a reason! 

Twinkies?!?! Really?!?!

This one is short and sweet, hopefully! I understand many are upset about the loss of the Twinkie and the Ding Dong. I honestly dont really care because I dont eat them. I also understand that they have been around forever. But my thoughts instantly were turned to the thousands of people that have now lost their jobs because thats how it had to be. They couldnt reach an agreement. The company did what they needed to do and the workers felt like they what they did was best to protect themselves. But in the end, no one won out. It was a loss of both parts. That is what is sad. You can sit there and believe what you want to believe about our current situation with the economy and who the person responsible for situations like this, but in my opinion there are lost of people to blame. Its not just one person that can make a situation bad like this. It takes a lot of people and of course no one will take responsibility because they dont want a finger pointed at them. And that is what is sad people not taking responsibility for their actions.

Our country is suffering. People are suffering. I dont know why and I dont have the answers and dont profess to have the answers. But lets look at the bigger picture here. Really why spend $350 on ebay for a box of Twinkies or Ding Dongs?!? No wonder our economy is the way it is. People doing stupid things like that. And honestly who's to says the Twinkie is gone forever. Maybe they will sell the recipe to Little Debbie or someone that has the money to make it work. Lets for once think about someone besides ourselves and the fact we wont have a Twinkie in our cupboards. Lets think of the thousands that recently lost their job and the other thousands that need jobs. This is where we should focus our attention... not to the stupid loss of a Twinkie!

A lot of thoughts as of late!

I posted this awhile ago on here but felt in light of what has happened in the last 24 hours with the election.

"I generally keep my comments to myself because anyone that knows me, knows that I am a very very opinionated person and I don't like to offend people. I try to filter a lot of things but sometimes things just fall through my filter. I try my hardest to listen to every ones opinions and take something from their opinions, even if it is, I agree to disagree with them.

Today in society, one cant say anything or stand for anything without getting harshly criticized or beaten down for what they believe. Everyone has their own belief system. Everyone has their own philosophies on life. I am the first to say, when I feel I may offend someone "this is what I believe. This is my philosophy for ME!" I dont expect you to love everything I say or stand for. All I expect is for you to respect me enough to agree to disagree with me!"

Like I stated before in my blog, anyone that knows me, knows I am very opinionated. I have been told on a time or two to "shut up!" I have felt about an inch tall when at points when people belittle what I believe and try to push in my face their beliefs and opinions. I dont argue the point, for the most part. I realized everyone has a belief system and a majority of peoples beliefs most likely dont align with mine. I have accepted that. Have you? Please respect others and what they stand for. Dont end relationships because they believe different than you. Dont push your ideas on anyone because human nature is to fight back and it will just continue to go in circles until some one stops. Let that person be you! Be the bigger person. Feelings get hurt. I have thick skin, but if this thick skinned person can get hurt, I know a lot more people get hurt worse.

Be a good role model for everyone around you especially if you have children or are around children. I see things everyday in my profession as a teacher and some days I am very sad. One reason I teach the grade I do (kindergarten) is to hopefully instill in these kids to learn how to respect each other and be their own person. I hope that if I can hopefully instill it in them when they are young it will carry on through their lives. Even if it is just one student I help with that then I feel accomplished!

Being a kindergarten teacher, I see a lot of things. And I dont mean these next thoughts to offend anyone. I am a very observant person. I watch and I study people and situations. A couple observations I have made:

1. We have generation X, the baby boomers etc. Well I have classified the generation I am in, so the 80s, The Running generation. We run from everything: Communication. relationships, school, work, family, everything! We apparently were not taught good conflict resolution in school. I see so many people my age that run and run. Why are so many people over 25 and not married? Why are so many people in their 20's divorced? I understand there are extreme situations. But really why so high! We are so many people content doing nothing with their lives and just existing. This just baffles me!

2. I call the generations from the 90s to present day, the Entitled Generation. Dont get me wrong many of them run from things as well, but you look at them and all they do is want. I want a car, I want a phone, I want new clothes, I want, I want! They dont have to do anything for it. What happen to the days of having kids work for things? What happened to teaching kids a sense of work ethic? Why does a 5 year old need a cell phone.. oh wait they dont... but they wanted it so they got it! What are we teaching our children these days? And we wonder why our society is the way it is! I figured it out long ago. Do you give your kids everything they want? Do you make your kids work? Do you help them figure out how to resolve conflicts or do you let them just run from difficult things that come into their lives!

Like I said these are just some observations I have made. You may not agree with me at all, but like I said before these are my thoughts. I wrote the poem early today to get some emotion out. Please enjoy and share if you like as long as you post my name with it.

I believe what I believe, so come what may.

I believe in a God each and every day.

I know God has a plan for each and every one

I hope I will be able to follow and get things done.

I know I have opinions that may be different from others

I hope you respect me for we are all sisters and brothers.

I know things may get rough and time may seems to stand still

I hope I have the faith to continue on and have Gods love fill.

I know this poem my offend one or two

I hope that you realize I do care for you.

I know that people will voice their opinions, as you have the right,

I hope you realize I have mine and I truly hope our future is bright! 

by. Stephanie Bruner

I feel like this post was a little of a lot of thoughts. Sorry of the randomness. Hope you enjoyed reading. 

Housekeeper of the year!

I havent updated my blog in a long time, so I thought I would do it today. First off I feel very blessed to work where I work. I am sure many saw that I was nominated and also won the award from the Utah Hotel and Lodging Association for Housekeeper of the year. I feel very humbled to have won and truly wasnt expecting it. The conference was held at the Grand America down in Salt Lake City. It is the only 5 star hotel in Utah. I was amazed when I first walked in to the hotel. Every thing was so beautiful. I felt very out of place especially when I went into the bathroom. I didnt feel I was high enough class to even use the bathroom. :) But I did. Each stall had its own little chandler. I was truly amazed. My goal is to stay there one night, some time! :)

When it came time for lunch and the announcing of the awards I had already convinced myself I wasnt going to win. The time came for my category and  they said they had narrowed it to 2 finalist, which was me and some guy named Jose. Honestly, when they read my name, in my head I was saying Jose's. I was very shocked to say the least and who would have thought I would have gotten so nervous. I was shaking the whole way up to the stage, while I was getting the award and while I walked back to the table. Truly an experience I will never forget!

Agree to disagree

I generally keep my comments to myself because anyone that knows me, knows that I am a very very opinionated person and I don't like to offend people. I try to filter a lot of things but sometimes things just fall through my filter. I try my hardest to listen to every ones opinions and take something from their opinions, even if it is, I agree to disagree with them.

Today in society, one cant say anything or stand for anything without getting harshly criticized or beaten down for what they believe. Everyone has their own belief system. Everyone has their own philosophies on life. I am the first to say, when I feel I may offend someone "this is what I believe. This is my philosophy for ME!" I dont expect you to love everything I say or stand for. All I expect is for you to respect me enough to agree to disagree with me.

So I may stand up and say what my feelings are on dating. Those are my opinions and philosophies. So I may decide I want to stand up and go eat at a fast food chain because I feel they have been wrongly judged for what THEY believe in. These are my rights as I am an citizen of a country that says we have FREEDOM OF SPEECH! Let me use my freedom of speech! Let me voice what I want to voice. And guess what, I will let you voice what you want to voice. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and philosophies. And if I need to I will agree to disagree! I wont argue with you on the philosophies of your life! But I will stand up for myself if you argue with me! You can guarantee that! fact is how many people are truly swayed to the other side by arguing... my guess, not very many. One cant push their beliefs down another person throat and expect them to change. We have the right to think for ourselves and establish what we believe in! 

My grandmother use to say, "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all!" Lets remember that when we want to step on someones God give right to an opinion! And if you have to, remember to agree to disagree!

A few things I have learned about myself!

This is something that I shared on Facebook the other day, but decided I wanted to share it here as well.

So as the summer has gone on and I have been through many emotions, some good some bad. I have learned so much about myself and what I need in my life. I have realized that sometimes trying to be the bigger person in a tough situation just make me get hurt more. I have come to really realize this, this last couple weeks. It isnt worth putting myself through emotional hell with someone who obviously doesnt care. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. I am finding that I am not going to change who I am but be more guarded of who I let partake in my heart! I think there is nothing wrong about this. After all the crap I have been through in the last few months, I feel I have the complete right to be in complete control over myself.I can still have a Christlike love for them from a far but I dont need to be in their life. 

I have also learned, I deserve someone who is going to treat me like I am a daughter of God. I have posted somethings on facebook about how I feel a guy should be. I have also gotten some feedback that I was completely shocked by. Do we as women really set our expectations that low? Why do we set our expectations that low that we let the men in our lives treat us as we arent daughters of God? I dont feel my expectations are too high. I feel guys need to step up to the plate and make a girl feel she is the only one around. I have seen many people in my life especially my brother and brother in law who do this. So am I not entitled to it? Why should I have to settle for someone who is completely into themselves and doesnt care about relationships? We all have different standards for ourselves and we all have different goals in our lives. But I will wait as long as in need to, to find a MAN who is willing to treat me like I am truly a daughter of God. And I am not saying I expect to be waited on hand and foot and to be given everything. Relationships are two ways. One can not constantly be giving to the other and the one just take all the time. This is with any relationship, romantic or not! 

There is another thing I have learned, which ties into the other two. I cant constantly give give give, because people will always take take take and usually give nothing back in return. I deserve people in my life who care about me and are willing to work at the relationship and not just constantly take. I saw something once that said relationships shouldnt be 50/50 but 100%/100%. This is so true! We as a society settle on a lot of things. But why do we need to settle on all of our relationships? I know I need to be better and will try my hardest to be better! This is why I am glad I have learned this. I can be a better friend and make sure that I do give my 100%! I will be a better friend. 

The last thing I have really come to realize this last few weeks is, really the only relationship that truly matters is the one I have with my Heavenly Father and Savior. I have come to rely on them so much this last few weeks and know that They are the ones I need to focus on. If my relationship with Them is good then every other relationship will fall into place or out of place, depending on the situation. I have seen this happen time and time again. That is why truly focusing on my relationship with Them is vital! I am going to strive more and more everyday to make them the focus in my life and I know as long as I do, They will guide me to great things and people in my life. 

I have many great people in my life, especially my family, who I love very much. I hope I dont offend anyone by this note. I am truly just venting frustrations and the feelings of my heart. I care deeply about everyone in my life but I have to take control of my life and let know one walk on me! I love all my friends, may God bless with you and grant you all the things in your heart you desire! 

 Stephanie