Let me get something straight right now, if you dont like what you read then move on. Yes you may say I have attitude, but I dont need more fake people in my life. I have come to see many of those people in my life and it saddens me.
I know many of you came to the blog because of the title I placed on it. I learned that last time I blogged, which I have since hidden. I will come back to that later.
I sit here on the couch because it was too windy outside to enjoy the evening. My day today started good. Got my usual text from the man in my life. A man I love more than anything in the world. A man I would give anything for and try my best to every day. As the day progressed with 12 hours things changed. I went to my pre-op for my surgery, got a call and have to push my surgery back again. That is twice now. So that frustrated me. Got several calls from this man I love. But for whatever reason things happen and I became speechless. Very speechless.
We all go through things and I am trying my best to be there for this man. I am trying my best to help him feel his Heavenly Fathers love for him in his lowest times. We even started a 100 day Book of Mormon challenge together. I hoped this would give him the strength he needs to over come all his stresses right now. I realized after my conversation tonight with him, I have not prayed for him enough and helped him with his struggles. Its hard you see, he lives in Texas. I so wish I could be with the man and let him know how I feel about him and help him overcome his struggles. I have really never made these feelings public how I feel about this man. So this is for you if you are reading this honey! I love you!!! I wish I could take those things from him, but I cant. All I can do is be here for him as he fights them, as he overcome them. All I know is he will be so much stronger if he fights them! I will keep praying for him and hope he still lets me be a strength for him as he fights them!I want him to fight these things because I see the great man he really is and the amazing potential he has that no one else does! I love him!!!!!
People may judge. People will judge! I have come to really realize this in the last 6 months almost 7 months of knowing this man. We all have things in our lives we may call baggage. Well some see it like that and some dont. I have found in my life that judging others for what they go through, what they have done, what they are doing, what they want to do, all those things dont do anything but take me away from my Heavenly Father and my Savior who loves everyone no matter what! I still have people that judge me for what I do these days. To you I say I am so sorry! Where does judging someone get you? No where. I will not judge you! I will sit, listen, watch with Christlike feelings towards you. I am only human and do make mistakes. I realize this. That is when I ask for forgiveness for my faults. I have many and ask God every day for the strength to overcome them all.
This scripture means so much to me!
1 Nephi 7:17 But
it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, according to my
faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren;
yea, even give me astrength
that I may bburst
these bands with which I am bound.
We all can burst those band which hold us down. We just need to have the faith. And if we dont have the faith, we need to be like the father in the scriptures that asked for the faith he needed to have the Savior heal his son.
1 Nephi 7:12 Yea,
and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all athings
according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise bfaith
in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him.
This is my all time favorite scripture! I have had to ask for faith and my faith has been increase more than I could ever have imagined! That is what has gotten my through these last few months. I have this quote that sits as my background on my computer:
I have truly come to realize this the last few months. I wish the man I love realized this too!
I have also come to realize the strength I do have and what things are for me as some call deal breakers. I have found because of my attitude on judging I dont have many deal breakers. I believe in the atonement. If things have been washed away at baptism or things have truly been repented of and that person is found clean before God, then why should we still find fault in those things. I dont! And never will! Repentance is real to me! Very really. I understand the Atonement and partake in it everyday! Not just for sins but for my Savior knowing exactly what I am going through! It is amazing to know that I have someone who knows how I feel! And I am so grateful for my Elder Brother who sacrificed all for me and and the ones I love, and everyone who walked, walks, and will walk this earth!
About 2 weeks before school was out, I had an incident in my classroom. I had a long discussion about perception and gossiping with my 5 and 6 year olds. Guess what they understood what that is. So I hope you grown adults understand as they do as well.
Everyone has their own perception about how they see things. No two peoples perceptions will be the same. We are human and we see things the way we see them. I have been hurt in the past by peoples perceptions of me. I know I have hurt others by my perceptions of them. To you I truly apologize! All a perception is how we see things. This idea of perception has been on my mind for quite sometime. Just because I see a situation one way doesnt mean you will see it the same way. And it is what I do with my perception, do I share it or keep it inside. All gossiping and spreading rumors is one persons interpretation of a situation, people, etc. Unless you were there and you know what happened or what is actually going on that is gossiping. I have learned in my life I dont tell people all the facts because they get twisted and make them what they want them to be. The perceive it different then what it was.
As I was reading my scriptures tonight trying to calm myself down I came across this scripture. It fits perfect. Only one Person should get to judge us for what we are doing. He is the only one that knows the truth, the intentions, the outcome, the everything.
1 Nephi 10:20 Therefore remember, O man, for all thy doings thou shalt be brought into ajudgment.
Let Him be the judge. Only He know what I have gone through these last 6 months. Only He knows what my man is going through. Only will He judge us and you the best way.
I have been through so much these last few months and have learned that only leaning unto my Heavenly Father will things work out. He knows all.
1 Nephi 10:19: For he that diligently aseeketh shall find; and the bmysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by
the power of the cHoly Ghost, as well in these times as in times of
old, and as well in times of old as in times to come; wherefore, the dcourse of the Lord is one eternal round.
I look forward everyday to do seek and find, to have the mysteries of God unfolded unto me. I live my life day by day! One day at a time! That is all I have. That is something my man has taught me. Take it one day at a time.
We say we look for the good in people and I truly hope that is true. This brings me back to my title of this post. Based of my last blog post I can say people thrive off the negative. Of my combined post before that one I had maybe combined 30 reads on them. Of the last post I had 98 reads just on that post. What that told me was that people want stuff that is negative and hurtful to read. Ya my last post was entitled Heartbreak and Trials. Had it been entitled Fluffy Clouds and Springtime I know I wouldnt get that many reads. That says a lot of society. I hope that I am the type of person who seeks the good and the pleasant and not the negative! When I saw this all this I have written about came full circle for me.
Gods love is what is important. And that is where my faith and love need to be focused because if I do then He truly will guide me to where and what I should be doing. To whom I can be in instrument for Him. To those that need a smile or a hug or an ear.
For me it is what I am doing with my life to show my Heavenly Father my devotion to Him and may fellow brothers and sisters on this earth. I am my brothers keeper and will be till I am told not to be by the One it matters to! These are the questions I ask myself everyday!
Am I doing my best?
Am I seeking the good in people?
Am I hurting others with words or actions?
Am I loving as God loves me?
Did I ask forgiveness of those I wrong?
Am I following Gods plan for me?
This life is a test and I know I am doing my best and hope I can show others what love God has for them because I feel His love everyday! This is my life! This is what I strive for! And I know my Heavenly Father will continue to love me and show me what my life is meant to be!
